10 Reasons Why Kindles Suck

2 Feb

1. Firstly, you CANNOT read a kindle in the bath. At least, I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t, it sounds dangerous. And more importantly, you can’t drop a kindle in the bath, that’s for sure. At least most books can be rescued. I dropped pretty much every one of the Harry Potter books in the bath and they were all fine, totally fine.

2. A book NEVER runs out of batteries. So the kindle lasts for five billion hours. So what? If you get stuck on a desert island, you will eventually need a charger. A book however does not need a charger. And once you’ve read it and you’re bored of it, you could burn it for warmth or even eat it. Possibly. At a push.

3. You CANNOT sit on a kindle. If you sit on a kindle, you’ve probably broken it. If you sit on a book, you’re just sitting on a book.

4. You can’t give kindle books as gifts. I mean, I imagine you can, but it’s just not the same. You can’t write a silly little message like: ‘Because I know how much You love baking bread’, in a cookery book for you loved one for example, only for them to then discover it a decade later and sigh (or wince) at it.

5. You CANNOT decorate your house with kindles. You just can’t, it would look pants. Books on the other hand are a legitimate way of embellishing your home with useful and beautiful loveliness. A nice bookshelf adds colour and texture to a home, as well as being a brilliant way of displaying how clever/geeky/pretentious/into erotica your are.

6. You CANNOT borrow a kindle. You may well be able to convince someone to lend theirs to you for half an hour, maybe even a week, but they can’t travel the world through the hands of many like a book can.

7. You will NEVER get mugged for a book. I’m sure it’s happened, of course, but really, it’s unlikely. A swish, slim little kindle though, they’re easy prey for sure. And even if you did have your book stolen from you, you be out by, let’s see, a tenner, not ten tenners.

8. You be hard pressed to read a kindle on a sandy, rocky or windy beach without due care. Books, they’re fine. They love sand. You can just chuck them right in it. Kindles, they get all scratched and all broken poor things. Hopeless.

9. You would obviously have difficulty in using a kindle for stashing money or illicit love letters inside, or for writing secret codes, or propping open a window or holding a door open. And what about hollowing them out and keeping your favourite sort of contraband in there? All of this is easy with a nice big copy of something like Atlas Shrugged or Wolf Hall.

10. So I think I’ve made my point. They’re not waterproof, they break easily, they’re not that pretty, they’re expensive and…Have I left anything out? You can’t spill coffee on them or drop them down the stairs repeatedly either. Did I mention you can’t read them in the bath? That’s all that matters if you ask me…

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4 Responses to “10 Reasons Why Kindles Suck”

  1. pattyjean 29/10/2011 at 7:10 am #

    And don’t forget, a well-placed book can prevent your writing desk from tipping over.
    A beautifully written piece. Thank you for posting.

  2. Piper Williams 06/03/2012 at 1:05 am #

    kindles suck for a bigger reason they tend to die shortly after warrenty runs out and they charge 85 dollars to fix it that is only 15 dollars shy of a new one see the scam giong on here pay up or lose your libray you have paid hundreds for

    • terrapin52 13/03/2012 at 9:44 pm #

      . . . library you have paid hundreds for? Can we see the irony in that phrase?

  3. Kathie Hansen 07/12/2013 at 11:35 am #

    I hate the very idea of reading a story on a hard plastic surface…I’ll die first!!!!!

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